The last few weeks of January was the beginning of the cramping. Sometimes very light, sometimes harder lasting several seconds at a time where I stopped everything and held my breath until it went away. February 6th, five days after I my period was supposed to start I stood in the cold second bathroom at 7am and took a home pregnancy test while Chris peacefully slumbered in the other room. While it was ‘cooking’ I wandered into the freezing cold kitchen and rinsed some dishes, keeping a nonchalant-not-worried-at-all-eye on the clock. How is it that three minutes can last at least ten? I casually wandered back into the bathroom and picked up the stick. The pink base line was bold as ever but a second pink line, faint but definitely there was definitely there. I double checked the directions but it didn’t say anything but an almost pink line. What the devil does that mean? Kind of pregnant? I disposed of the test deep into the trash can and went on my merry way.
The morning of February 10th I once again stood in the cold second bathroom and took a pregnancy test. I was cursing my late period, I knew I couldn’t be pregnant. Nothing I’d read said anything about an almost pink line, so it couldn’t possible count. I wanted my damn period to start so I could get back to the sex that would produce a full out pink line. But the damn period still hadn’t started, even though the cramps had been monotonous. And I was too tired for the sex and my breasts hurt and these damn cramps and… holy shit. Another almost pink line. Goddammit!
This almost pink line was (I think) darker than the other almost pink line. This line was only a little fainter; it was an almost true pink line. Huh. Chris was snoring in the other room. He’d been sick for more than a week now, tissues were in snowdrifts all over the house. I woke him up and finished dressing and then went out to clean the kitchen, all the while debating if I should tell him now or later after I got the real lab results. I figured I’d better start him off easy. When he came out of the bathroom after an illness induced coughing and hacking episode I turned to him brightly and said, “So… I took a pregnancy test this morning…â€?
He stopped mid-stride, his eyebrows shooting to the ceiling as, simultaneously, his jaw hit the floor.
“And,� I faltered, “it was sorta’ positive.�
“Sorta? What does that mean?â€? He demanded. “Maybe you should take another one.â€?
I explained that it was the second one and his face grew impossibly longer. I showed him the test and the faint line. And that’s when he started saying “wow� at random times in varied tones, occasionally he’d throw in a ‘whoa’.
“I’ll have to move out of the den.� He said with chagrin. (Yes, that was his first thought)
I assured him he wouldn’t, the baby wouldn’t need its own room for a long time. Hell I lived in a dresser drawer for the first year of my life until I got too big and then lived in a box. Our kid will have infinite luxery compared to that.
At work I immediately went down the hall to my doctors office and asked for a pregnancy test. The receptionist beamed and typed it in. “I’ll stat it because we’re leaving at noon and I want to know.â€? She told me. I went back to my office and puttered until I couldn’t stand it anymore and found an excuse to go down to the lab for a few minutes. While I was checking in the head of the lab, Ed, saw me at the window and he came over to say hi. He caught my name on the receptionists computer and then at the lab order underneath it. He asked me why he was having trouble changing the password on his email but all the while his eyes kept flicking back to the screen and his face turned the same shade of green Chris’ had that morning. They took me back right away and into a private room because they were so busy. (The privileges of making other people curious). The gal took my blood and we chatted about my new office and how my department is no longer in the trailer in the back parking lot (yeah, fancy digs. I now have an office without wood paneling, I am so posh).
When I got back to my desk Chris had already messaged me asking me when the lab test would be. I told him I’d just taken it and was treated to another ‘whoa’.
An hour and a half later my doctor walked into my office and stood at the window that separates the dept. hallway with my office and slapped a piece of paper up to the window. On it were typed two dates with a positive and negative after them and under that he’d drawn a stick figure of a baby with a bottle in one hand and a teddy bear in the other. My brain didn’t even register the drawing, all I saw was the word negative and my heart sank. My coworkers sitting behind me turned to each other and asked what he was doing. “What the hell does that mean?â€? I shouted at him through the glass. He was beaming and looked a little disheartened at my confusion. He walked the extra two feet to the door and said “Congratulations, it’s true.â€? “It’s true?!â€? I started to cry, I couldn’t help it, my face turned bright pink. My coworkers looked at me, “are you pregnant?!â€? They demanded. My doctor nodded enthusiastically. (Apparently the negative was from the pregnancy test they’d made me take when I’d had my kidney stone).
My doctor whipped out his PDA, “so when was your last period?” My doctor asked and then looked around the room at my beaming coworkers, “unless you mind doing this in front of everyone.” IT’S A BIT LATE FOR THAT! But oh well, I was so excited I didn’t care. He figured out that I was almost six weeks along and the due date would be October 9th or 10th.
My coworkers were exstatic. “You have to tell Chris in some cutesy way� they insisted.
By then Chris was messaging me frantically asking for news and I said I’d call him, but then got distracted by a gal from the lab. When I went back to my messages he’d typed:
You were going to call me
Then
Dude
When I called him he put it bluntly, “so what’s the deal.�
“Well, the deal is it’s true. I’m pregnant.�
Long (pregnant) pause. “Wow.� So much for cutesy.
We figured that we should tell Rose (Chris’ mom) right away because she works on the floor below me and word would reach her very soon. I ran to Walmart to find something Grandma oriented, searching through the baby stuff in vain for something with the word Grandma I came across a pair of red rompers that were so adorable. ‘I should get this’, I thought. ‘Not because I want to for some day but because I have to for in eight months… Oh. My. God.’ I freaked myself out enough that I had to leave the whole baby section.
Chris called as I was searching through picture frames saying that they were almost to the restaurant. I abandoned the search, grabbed some roses and went to meet Chris and Rose.
Inside Café 2000 seated at a cozy little table with nice respectable patrons surrounding us we showed mom the lab results. I had the satisfaction of seeing what my confused face must of looked like. I pointed to the word positive and she instantly teared up.
“Are you kidding me?� She asked.
“No.� We said.
“Are you kidding me?!� She demanded.
“No.� We said.
She half rose from her chair, her finger pointed threateningly at Chris, “Are you kidding me!!!�
“No, I swear, she’s pregnant!� Chris said, holding up his hands in defense.
There were hugs all around.
Later that night at the theater we told my pseudo parents Pat and Judy and the whole cast of Romeo and Juliet. Rose provided sparkling cider and cream pie. (It was excellent). Everyone was so nice to me – though I didn’t get out of sword fighting.
After rehearsal we drove out to my parents. All three cars were in the drive but the house was dark as though it were two in the morning, not 9pm. After much hammering at the door my youngest brother (the only one still at home) finally opened the door looking like he’d just woke up. I told him to go get mom and dad (who’d apparently been preparing for bed). We all took a seat on the big wrap around couch in the living room and my parents looked at me expectantly (heh, expectantly).
“Well?� They asked.
I broke it to them gently. “You’re going to be grandparents.� Okay, bluntly.
There was half a beat “Are you kidding us?� They asked.
I nodded happily, totally misunderstanding what they’d just asked. “Yes.� I said.
They looked confused. “I mean no.� I said.
“You’re pregnant?� My dad ventured.
“Maybe.� I said, thoroughly confused.
“She is.� Chris supplied.
There were hugs all around, and then a look at their new couch which they’d just gotten that day for the family room. (Very nice).
So the upshot of it is I’m knocked up and very pleased. I would highly recommend it to anyone who would like to be treated like Miss America for a day without having to be into world peace and a virgin. :blush:
Posted by Emilie in Uncategorized, Family
