Chris: So, after you have the kid will your breasts just leak all over the place? Will you have to wear booby diapers? Does such a thing exist?
Em: Yes, and yes. Though they’re called breast pads.
Chris: So like … I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and be like … why’s the bed all wet?!? And you’ll be all like … that’s just they way I roll sucka!
Em: Good lord, it’s not that bad. It just means I’ll have to wear a bra to bed for awhile.
Chris: Yeah … but the intense amount of caffeine magnifies everything
Em: What the hell are you talking about?
Chris: I don’t know.
*****
Chris: So I went to Fred Meyer tonight to look for flash cards for the baby, do you know they have playing cards that are pink?
Em: Seriously?
Chris: I wanted to get some cards so I can teach our daughter how to play poker.
Em: Uh… it may be awhile…
Chris: Yeah, I know, but while I was there in the toy isle I couldn’t help noticing these parents with kids who were trying to get their parents attention but the parents just ignored them so the kid started nagging and getting louder and louder until the parent finally turned to them and yelled ‘what?!’.
Em: That’s kind of harsh.
Chris: Yeah, all the kid wanted was to show the parent a toy or something but the parents were totally ignoring their kid until they got so irritating that they started yelling, and in the meantime the rest of us want to smack both the parent and the kid.
Em: Well, hopefully we’ll listen to our kids and not be like that.
Chris: Yeah!
Em: So… did you get the cards?
Chris: Naw, it was the only thing I could think to buy and I didn’t want to come off as weird for only buying pink poker cards.
*****
Chris: So, you and mom were talking about babies being overweight, so maybe breast milk isn’t the best thing for babies.
Em: Actually, it’s cuz that baby wasn’t breastfed that it probably gained weight faster than was healthy.
Chris: But there should be somewhere you can find out what the nutritional information of breast milk is and compare it… like maybe a newborn gets so many calories and a three months old gets so many more calories… you should be able to calculate that out.
Em: Nature kind of does that for you, babies know when they’re hungry and when they’re not, as long as you cater to their need they should grow at a healthy rate. Though sometime babies don’t want to eat so then it’s harder to tell. There are a lot of magazine articles of mothers anxious that their breast fed kid isn’t getting enough but they’re generally told that you know it’s okay if there’s a dirty diaper for every feeding.
Chris: But didn’t you say that you’ll have to feed her every two hours?
Em: In the beginning, yes.
Chris: That’s 12 diapers a day!
Em: Um, about that, yeah.
Chris: My god, that’s…. just a second, let me think… about 8760 diapers!
Em: Well it won’t be 12 a day forever….
Chris: Where are we gonna’ keep 9000 diapers?
Em: You can’t buy them all at once, the baby grows out of them, they come in different sizes…
Chris: There’s gotta’ be some way to calculate the rate of the baby’s growth with the size of the diaper.
Em: You’re putting way too much thought into this. (pause) What are you looking at?
Chris: Maybe we can hang diaper boxes from the rafters.
*****
Em: Ouch, roll over, you’re squishing me.
Chris: But it’s fun.
Em: What the hell?! Godammit, I’m leaking.
Chris: What?
Em: You squished my chest and now I’m leaking.
Chris: No way! Oh my god, that’s so cool.
Em: Um, well…
Chris: Do it again.
Em: Ew!
Chris: No, it’s like a science experiment.
Em: That’s messed up
Chris: I’m gonna’ squish you again.
*****
Chris: So today when we were at your parents and the little kid that was there, William? How old was he?
Em: About two.
Chris: He was doing this drooling thing….
Em: Yeah, kids do that.
Chris: So that’s normal?
Em: Yeah.
Chris: But, it was like, ALL OVER. I was like, dude.
Em: You’ll get used to it.
Chris: No way, if I was to, like, *drool*
Em: Gross! Knock that off!
Chris: See?!
Posted by Emilie in Uncategorized, Family